Archived brainless wonders for Jan 2007
Mankind has created spectacular works of art, engineered incredibly tall buildings, designed impressive supercomputers, lived in outerspace, discovered cures for nasty diseases. As a whole, nothing can compare to human intelligence, but sometimes humans, well, you know...
Overweight woman stuck in South African cave
Jan 2 2007 - AFP
An overweight woman got stuck in a well-known South African cave for nearly twelve hours on New Year's Day, trapping 23 others in the process.
The woman was stuck inside the "Tunnel of Love" shortly after noon and was freed with...
Woman allegedly uses dog's name for drug
Jan 3 2007 - AP
A Burlington woman has been charged with trying to get painkillers from a drug store by using her dog's name. Kymberly Smith, 38, faces more than two dozen charges related to her alleged repeated attempts to fraudulently obtain painkillers at a...
Jail guard held for cannoli-stashed drug
Jan 4 2007 - AP
Leave the cannoli, take the marijuana. A Nassau County correction officer was arrested and due in court Thursday on charges he tried to smuggle marijuana into the jail — stashed inside a box of the Italian pastries.
Rocco Bove, 24, of...
Alleged burglar has booze, passes out
Jan 4 2007 - AP
A burglar who smashed a glass door to break into a house couldn't quite find his way back out after treating himself to some beans and booze, then passing out.
Esteban Avila Jr., 45, allegedly entered the vacant home by smashing a sliding-glass...
Police hunt pub urinal thief
Jan 5 2007 - Reuters
Police said on Friday they were hunting a man who stole a urinal from a pub toilet.
The suspect walked into the Royal Oak pub in Southampton, ordered half a pint of beer and then made several visits to the men's toilet.
There...
Police find easy arrest at Valparaiso pawn shop
Jan 6 2007 - AP
A man suspected of selling $9,000 worth of stolen musical equipment made it easy on investigators when he returned to a pawn shop, walking right into police custody.
Burton Montgomery, 20, Valparaiso, strode into the Ameripawn store Tuesday as...
Man Charged With Indecent Exposure At Chuck E. Cheese
Jan 8 2007 - AP
A South Portland man has been charged with indecent exposure for allegedly pulling down his pants in front of customers at a business geared toward children.
Police say it happened Sunday afternoon at the Chuck E. Cheese's restaurant near...
Intruder's slick ways leave greasy smudges
Jan 9 2007 - St. Petersburg Times
Strange sounds came from the kitchen. Something moved overhead. Then, at the Subway restaurant on the east end of Ridge Road, a shirtless man burst through the ceiling and fell 10 feet to the clay-tile floor.
The man got up, dazed, swearing...
14-year-old driver nabbed with drunk mum as passenger
Jan 10 2007 - NZPA
Rotorua police were "amazed and horrified" when they stopped a car driving erratically and found a 14-year-old girl at the wheel with her mother drunk in the passenger seat.
The car had been spotted twice narrowly missing collision...
Man electrocuted by do-it-yourself mole-killer
Jan 11 2007 - Reuters
A German retiree who wired up a high-voltage cable to try to wipe out the moles digging up his garden killed himself instead, police said Thursday.
Uwe Werner, police spokesman in Stralsund north of Berlin, said the 63-year-old retired construction...
Burglary suspect picks bad hiding place
Jan 11 2007 - AP
Brian Valentino sure picked the wrong hiding place to elude police. The 33-year-old burglary suspect was being transported yesterday to the Onondaga County jail in Syracuse when he kicked out a back window of the police car and dove headfirst through...
Man trying to kill bees sets home ablaze
Jan 12 2007 - AP
A man who tried to keep bees off his property accidentally set fire to his house instead, causing at least $500 damage.
Franklyn Pigott Jr. set his home ablaze Wednesday while attempting to destroy a nest of bees that had formed outside the...
Man arrested for stealing women's undies
Jan 12 2007 - AP
A Geraldine man who allegedly stole a Fyffe woman's undergarments has been charged with property theft. Joseph Edward Reaves, 44, was arrested after he turned himself in Wednesday morning and has been released from the DeKalb County Jail on...
Obedient German motorist crashes on satnav command
Jan 14 2007 - Reuters
A 46-year-old German motorist driving along a busy road suddenly veered to the left and ended up stuck on a railway track -- because his satellite navigation system told him to, police said on Sunday.
The motorist was heading into the north...
Man accused of torching mother's house
Jan 15 2007 - AP
A man told investigators he set fire to his mother's house because she told him to get a job if he wanted to stay there, according to an investigator. Bond was set at $20,000 for Ricardo A. Nance Jr., 31, who was booked late Friday on one count of...
Iowa woman fired for journaling at work
Jan 20 2007 - AP
An administrative judge has denied unemployment benefits to a woman who was fired from her job for keeping a journal detailing her efforts to avoid work.
Emmalee Bauer, 25, of Elkhart, was employed by the Sheraton hotel company as a sales coordinator...
NYC newcomer gets lost for five days
Jan 22 2007 - AP
A newcomer to the city became hopelessly lost for five days after going for a walk. Damon Mootoo was staying at his brother's house in South Jamaica, Queens, when he decided to go for the stroll last Wednesday, 12 hours after arriving in New York...
United passenger charged for alleged drunken behavior on flight
Jan 23 2007 - AP
A United Airlines passenger faces federal charges for allegedly making statements about a hijacking, trying to open a cabin door and fighting with flight attendants while aboard a flight from Boston to San Francisco.
Erin Callahan Lambert,...
Athlete who fled Katrina jailed for making bomb threat
Jan 25 2007 - AP
A high school basketball star is accused of calling in a bomb threat to the school the night of a game he was missing because of a suspension for fighting.
Howard Stirgus, an 18-year-old who came to Denton in 2005 after fleeing New Orleans...
Mich. mobile home with 66 pets condemned
Jan 26 2007 - AP
Health officials have condemned a feces-filled and urine-soaked mobile home inhabited by a 68-year-old woman, her 22-year-old daughter and their 66 cats and dogs.
The animals, 39 adult dogs, 14 puppies and 13 cats, were found caked in fecal...
Drunk man goes for unexpected train ride
Jan 26 2007 - AP
A drunk man who tried to climb over a freight train stopped at a downtown crossing ended up going for a ride when the train took off. The 23-year-old man called 911 from his cell phone early Friday when the train reached the Casselton area west of Fargo...
Novelist accidentally burns down office
Jan 26 2007 - Nevada Appeal
An acclaimed novelist lost his office in Carson City on Thursday when he threw a lit piece of paper into gasoline.
Fantasy writer David Eddings, 75, said he was using water to flush out the gas tank of his broken-down Excalibur sports car,...
Pot-running Arizona granny gets 3 years
Jan 27 2007 - AP
A 62-year-old grandmother who prosecutors said ran drugs to support her bingo habit has been sentenced to three years in prison and a $150,000 fine.
Acting on a tip, state police stopped Leticia Villareal Garcia near Bisbee in southeast Arizona...
THAT'S DYE WITH A 'D' - AS IN DUMB
Jan 29 2007 - NewYorkPost
Clenzo Thompson really should get a new career.
The bird-brained bandit was busted for sticking up the same Brooklyn bank twice in three days - and having a dye pack explode in his face both times, cops said.
And this is three years...
Alleged drunk man drives onto iced river
Jan 30 2007 - AP
A Clinton man was charged with drunken driving after officials say he drove his vehicle onto the ice-covered Mississippi River near Sabula.
Steven A. Parker, 51, is accused of driving his sports utility vehicle off a boat ramp to do "doughnuts"...